Our neighbor has had her guest house unoccupied for at least four years until about two months ago a gentleman moved in. All was well until the night I walked into the alley to see the Washington County Sherriff with him handcuffed in the back seat. This is odd as I rarely see this from the side of the door that you can open. Also, keep in mind, the biggest crime in our area is someone parking overnight on the street; I am not kidding NOTHING happens. After the Deputy left with the tenant I tapped on my neighbors door to find out what was going on.
“He was down by the lake fishing and his ex-wife had him arrested. She’s a lawyer so she knows all those tricks.” Mind you, Lady B is an 85 year old widow and maybe not of sound mind; or just simply lonely. Regardless I kept my mouth shut and held back from responding with “Oh yes, the old ‘get your husband arrested for fishing trick’…a true judicial classic” As we talked the holes in the story dilated which led me to perform a perfunctory background check where I found out he was recently convicted of beating said wife then stalking her. A true peach no doubt.
As he is a wife beater (or ex-wife beater ur, I mean beater of ex-wife’s…come to think of it I am not sure...it's really timing I suppose.) I am inclined to despise him. Unfortunately, society has not caught up with me therfore the death penalty is not appropriate and ”slappy” does need be able to operate in society. In that spirit, and on a quick sidebar, there should be a work release program/partnership between probation offices and the stockyards (no Soylent Green references please.) The convicted could work on the kill line and they could be triggered into action visa-vi a speaker hung around the bovines neck that blares out “I don’t love you anymore” or “I slept with your brother.” The convict/employee would simply dispense with the animal. Strangle, punch, drown…we don’t need to micromanage this process. Beyond really tapping into a person’s potential this is a true green program as no longer would high voltage electric shockers be needed.
Anyway, my problem. Slappy has been snow blowing my driveway and sidewalks along with others in the neighborhood this winter. During the first couple of snow events, as the Weather Douches call them, (a few inches only) I harped around the house about the wife beating pig staying off my lawn. With a 6” snowfall, I commented on his persistence; not quite as mad though. With the heavy 12” plus inches over Christmas I was ready to go out and tip him for doing such fine work. The conundrum is obvious and I am not sure how to deal with this. I don’t want this violent criminal on my property but I really don’t want to snow blow either…what to do, what to do. To date I have compromised my principals in exchange for some good cheap labor. I don’t think I can go to hell for this but it doesn’t bode well with my sense of consistency. For the time being I am going to have to let this play out. Everything depends on future snowfall amounts and his lawn care acumen come spring.
Just a bit off the back, please
11 years ago
